


Mutual Understanding

by Deamiel



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Insecure Reid, M/M, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Shy Reid, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-19 06:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9423164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deamiel/pseuds/Deamiel
Summary: “But you’re my boss, it would be strange…” Reid innocently stated, seeming to be hung up on the fact that Hotchner was asking the impossible from him.“Reid,” Hotchner repeated his eyes glimmering slightly with amusement even when the situation meant they were walking on thin ice, “if it helps you can call me Aaron.” Reid looked at him as if Hotchner had just spoken in a bizarre unworldly language. The thought of addressing his boss so intimately opened an unknown gateway, flooding his brain of inappropriate ideas.“Reid, you’re not dispensable, genius or not, you’re a valuable member of the team.” Guilt being prominent in his features, Reid couldn’t help but turn away. Not believing Hotchner’s generous words, it was like honey to him, unbearably sweet but an underlining fear of betrayal laced his emotions.





	1. Bridging

Hotchner sighed and leant back in his leather chair. His coffee had gone cold and the half eaten muffin did not look appetising any-more. He had just finished another long winding paragraph on a case file and his arm had given up on him, but the end was nowhere near. His writing flowed in strict yet admirable cursive across the page, showing years of practice with patience when it comes to recounting events onto paper. Turning to the double pane of glass separating his office from the rest of the bureau, he grimaces at the sight of Dr. Spencer Reid. The boy was faced into the distance, his body too lax in the chair, his long hair swept back with his hand into messy tresses, clothes crumpled with the constant gripping of his tensed fists. Reid was still, unmoving while his eyes focused at the wall opposite him. But Hotchner was sure that it wasn’t the wall he was concentrating on.

Everyone had left two hours ago, tired faces and fatigued goodbyes had chorused around the room. But Reid had stayed behind, stumbling over his words when thinking up an excuse. He was clever with his reply and had avoided awakening Morgan’s concerns, making Morgan just brush it off the blunder with words and put it down to Reid’s shy demeanour.

But Hotchner knew better. He wouldn’t be the Unit Chief if he did not see through Reid’s hoax. He knew the boy just did not want to be a burden on others, his age and pride restricted that, he didn’t want to look like he was receiving special treatment, merely wanted to be a part of the team. But Hotchner wanted to scream and pull his hair out in these situations, he had failed Elle, he wouldn’t let Reid slip through his fingers, not when he knew that he could have done something.

Sighing and fisting his fingers to ease his stress through cracking his knuckles he stood, discretely opening his office door. If Reid had a healthy mental state then he would have felt Hotchner’s eyes on him, heard the click of the door and felt Hotchner’s boots pad down on the carpet and trail towards him. But Reid did not react, blink or seem to be breathing. Instead he sat in his chair, void of any emotion on his visage, the usual rise and fall of his chest when breathing was quickening into quick bursts of inhalation. Hotchner having guessed that Reid was once again trapped in the darkest corner of his mind, most likely reliving the Tobias Hankel’s case. Gently he laid his hand on Reid’s shoulder, aiming to shake him out of the nightmare which had invaded his reality.

As if burnt Reid recoiled from the feathery touch of Hotchner’s fingers. Tilting his chair dangerous to the side, scurrying to check his bearings while the chair creaked in displeasure at the hasty twists Reid performed to observe his three-sixty surroundings. Having reassured himself he was imagining a vivid delusion, he leant into the table and physically tried to wipe off the exhaustion from his features. Glancing up, having remembered something touching his shoulder lightly, Reid gasped and stood in his chair, embarrassed about his behaviour.

“Hotch…” He mumbled stepping away from the man who stood so close to him. Having placed his guard up Reid asked nervously, “Do you need something?”

Hotchner observed like a hawk, keeping silent to prolong Reid’s awkwardness, watching how the boy closed himself off by warping his arms around himself as if in an act of self-protection. Reid felt Hotchner’s firm gaze encase him, the feeling of being scrutinised made the hairs on the back if his neck prickle, but his chief still did not make a move. Having had enough Hotchner nodded in response and turned on the heel of his foot.

“We need to talk.” Having had enough Hotchner nodded in response and turned on the heel of his foot, knowing that Reid would follow him with exactly three steps of space between them. Opening his office door for him, Reid seemed to hesitate but then shook his head as if questioning himself and entered with a more determined cause.

“Sit.” Hotchner instructed and Reid clumsily took a seat in front of the desk, his eyes straying away from Hotchner to survey the room. Reid had never been in Hotchner’s cabin for long, the closed he had been is opening the door and telling Hotchner whatever he had too and then leave. Then too it was not long enough to get a full impression of the room. Taking his chances Reid found that he was better off not knowing. There was no personalisation to the room, not paintings or framed photos, just case files, furniture to hold the case files and two fountain pens to write in case files. If Reid had not known Hotchner was married to Haley he would have guessed his boss was married to his work.

“Reid.” Hotchner propped himself so his elbows rested on his desk, getting physically closer to Reid, to help himself pick up on any odd behaviour. Reid could tell that the reason he was in Hotchner’s office was not a pleasant one because Hotchner was giving him his signature stare. That stare had been used on many people throughout the years, mainly criminals and Morgan for his antics. But Reid felt like he had swallowed sand as his throat became dry, it was the first time he was being given the full on Hotchner stare which his Chief was famous for.

“Did I do something wrong?” Reid blurted out, voice cracking mid-sentence, his lack of experience with conversations not helping with the situation. Much to his surprise Hotchner’s shadowy obsidian eyes softened at his attempt to grasp his position.

“No.” Hotchner confessed. “It is my fault Reid.” Hotchner continued, not allowing himself to break eye contact with Reid. Reid had felt death loom over his shoulder many times, mainly due to his job prospect. But this was the first time he felt threatened in losing his job.

“What did you do?” Reid enquired, his hazelnut orbs drowning in Hotchner’s darker and more dangerous ones.

“I should have approached you sooner about your…problem.” Reid could tell Hotchner was censoring himself. The older man was clearing hinting at his addiction problem but what unsettled him was Hotchner’s gentler way of conveying it. As a profiler Reid had always classified Hotchner as a blunt yet admirable man. The Chief watched Reid tilt his head down, far enough to allow the strands of hair tucked behind his ears to obscure his vision of Reid’s face. However the stiffening and slight trembling of Reid’s body did fill in the gaps.

“Are you going to dismiss me?” Reid’s voice dropped down into a fragile whisper which just made it to Hotchner’s ears.

“No.” He replied, firm with his tone leaving not hint of doubt. Reid snapped up in surprise, always having rebuked himself for future consequences of being found possessing and consuming drugs. Contrary the argument was not strong enough to stop his urges. Hotchner’s gaze cut through Reid’s fear and instead gave way confusion.

“You’re not going to dismis-”, Reid began but was immediately cut off by a swift answer.

“Reid, you’re not dispensable, genius or not, you’re a valuable member of the team.” Guilt being prominent in his features, Reid couldn’t help but turn away. Not believing Hotchner’s generous words, it was like honey to him, unbearably sweet but an underlining fear of betrayal laced his emotions.

“You’re wrong.” Reid started, but Hotchner did nothing to interrupt him. Reid taking on a different persona altogether felt confidence stem from his guilt. He felt small compared to Hotchner, the man who could do no wrong, his words seemed too wrong and Reid knew that he did not deserve them. “If I valued my job just a bit more then I wouldn’t have taken them.” Reid continued, stumbling to his feet with a current of rage washing over his body. Pacing around the room, “I joined the Behavioural Analysis Unit at twenty-two Hotch, I can take care of myself.” Hand dug in his pocket while Reid’s eyes travelled to some distance land.

Hotchner watched Reid through a rational gaze. Replying dryly, “Reid this isn’t about seeing if you can handle it. It’s about helping you recover with minimal damage to the team’s dynamics.” Hotchner started to gather his case file into a neat bundle and sweep it to the side to make more space. Reid took his seat once more.

“I’m not giving you the preferential treatment Reid. If I sent you to a hospital then I will have to file a report, and all health issues go into Strauss’s hand for approval. Gideon had already made me take on an oath to prevent any decision which could harm your ‘job prospect’.” Reid snapped up.

“Gideon called you?” It did not take a genius to figure out how close Gideon and Reid had become over their time together in the team. Even Hotchner was happy to see that Reid had taken on some sort of parental figure to console his problems to. But with Gideon gone Reid had closed himself off once more, wearing that genius façade. Fooling everyone into thinking that he could bounce back after the departure of Gideon, now he was trying to convince everyone that being physically tortured with drugs did not affect him.

“No,” Hotchner reassured, “he simply made sure I understood his wish before he left.” The sudden enlargement in Reid’s eyes told Hotchner his words had been misinterpreted. “I did not know he was going to leave, nor did I see it coming.” That calmed Reid down but dampened his mood immediately, not that the previous awkward vibes in the room would be missed.

“So?” Reid licked his lips as a habit when he did not know how to continue on. Hotchner pulled out his phone and gave Reid a look, making Reid scramble for his phone, clumsily the boy slapped his body where his pockets were and whip out his phone with a nervous smile.

“Give it to me.” Reid gave up his phone and glazed at Hotchner, he didn’t know if his chief knew but when he frowned in concentration the man’s eyebrows would come very close to touching. With a few taps and the sound of typing on the keyboard his phone was returned to him. Hotchner opened his phone and repeated what Reid thought was the same task.

“Now,” Hotchner swiped on his phone and turned it to show Reid, “I have your personal phone number and you have mine.” Reid unlocked his phone and it opened up to Hotchner’s personal contact details. Before Reid could voice his questions Hotchner spoke.

“All you have to do is message me. No matter how insignificant or important it is, just drop me a message.” Reid furrowed his eyebrows.

“How is this going to help?” Hotchner let a ghostly smile flicker on his lips. Reid’s skin pricked with dread.

“When you have an urge, problem or a simple thought you want to share. Sent me a message and I’ll reply as fast as I can. The main goal of this assignment,” Hotchner saw Reid react to his wording seeming more interested in hearing it, “is to create a similar two way relationship you have with Jason.” Reid eyed Hotchner with puzzlement. “I’m not going to be a duplicate Jason but I want to help you Reid. Whenever you have an urge, just message me and I’ll get to you as fast as I can. I want you to be the best you can Reid and the drugs aren’t helping.” Ultimately, somehow, touched by Hotchner’s words, Reid was still perplexed and unsure about the venture.

“I still don’t get it…”

“Have you been to group sessions where you tell your story of how you recovered from addiction?” Reid nodded, “It is like that but I know that you tend to be a very reserved person, I want you to confide me instead.”

“But you’re my boss, it would be strange…” Reid innocently stated, seeming to be hung up on the fact that Hotchner was asking the impossible from him.

“Reid,” Hotchner repeated his eyes glimmering slightly with amusement even when the situation meant they were walking on thin ice, “if it helps you can call me Aaron.” Reid looked at him as if Hotchner had just spoken in a bizarre unworldly language. The thought of addressing his boss so intimately opened an unknown gateway, flooding his brain of inappropriate ideas.

“I can’t address you so informally in front of others…”

“Just when messaging me if it makes you comfortable Reid. Tell me what troubles you so I can see if there is a solution.” Still mystified by Hotchner’s forward request, Reid stood up, his expression not completely devoid of his shock.

“I need to go home.” Hotchner stood and stopped Reid from leaving.

“I’ll drop you. It’s late and I want to make sure your back safely.” Reid stood there, his brain still not being able to process, fathom why Hotchner was doing this for him. But he stopped himself from asking.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid stood by his desk, having filled his shoulder bag with a few cold cases, and averted his eyes from the windows of Hotchner’s office. The man was like a whirlwind, efficiently storing away his files, packing his briefcase with any paperwork he could catch up on at home and making sure everything else was in an orderly place. Reid sometimes envied Hotchner, the man was very strict, cool-headed and the respect he gets in uttering once sentence was more than the amount his explanations got. But it made sense, Hotchner was a capable leader and he had proven so when Morgan recounted the time Hotchner had picked up on his hints when captured by Tobias.

“Let’s go,” Hotchner called out, stepping out his office and down the stairs of the balcony. Reid followed quietly, watching the man in front of him stride towards the door, with no trace of fatigue from the day.

The duo stood in the elevator, the machine slowly whirling its gears, all the while Reid took his time to inspect Hotcher, as if staring at the man long enough would allow him to take a peek into the other man’s mind. A farfetched theory, but one Reid wished which was true for the moment. Hotcher, who could feel Reid’s eyes just plain stare at him. He was not worried or nervous, being used to becoming the centre of attention at meetings and taking on responsibilities that Strauss pushes onto him out of the blue.

Both of them clambered into the black car, big enough to fit a whole family, and Hothner turned on the engine with the heating blasting into the car. Reid felt his shoulders loosen with the rekindling of warmth around him. To his surprise, classical music flooded in through the speakers, the music slow and a pleasure to the ears.

“Sergei Rachmaninoff,” Hotcher explained, “he is a Russian pianist, classical music tends to calm me after a long day.” Reid nods absentmindedly, his mind being swept away to a foreign escape by the melodies. This was an unexpected discovery on Reid’s part, but he had to agree that the piece was very moving, making the man forget his position for the entire piece.

“Did you know that for all the effects music is thought to have on the brain, classical music seems to fall in a grey area? One side seems to think it makes children smarter, while others file this notion under the psychological myths we fall for. A Finnish study came out to clarify the classic connection. The results showed listening to classical music actually enhanced the activity of genes involved in dopamine secretion, and transport synaptic function, learning and memory. One of the most up-regulated genes was synuclein-alpha (SNCA), which is a known risk gene for Parkinson’s disease.  Coincidently this gene is also how songbirds learn songs.” Reid caught himself after the onslaught of knowledge to feel his cheek burn with embarrassment.

“Sorry…” Reid ended softly. Hotchner frowned and turned to his side, having stopped at a red light, his fingers idly drumming against the steering wheel with the chords of the piano.

“No, it’s good to know.” Reid bit his lip in surprise, normally he would have been given a sceptical stare at the actuality of his claims, on the other hand, Morgan would have a completely different expression. His eyebrows will rise and his eyes would laugh with mirth as if asking Reid ‘are you listening to yourself?’ That is when Reid knew he had to stop. He had actually expected Hotchner to give him a hint of when to stop his intellectual rambling.

“Do you listen to classical music?” Hotchner casually asked. Reid turned to the window, staring out into the inky blackness of the starless night, his face momentarily becoming illuminated by the passing street lamps. Avoiding the indiscreet glances he was receiving from Hotchner.

“Sometimes, I tend to listen to the prominent classics by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig van Beethoven…” His was positively trembling at the conundrum of facts and information which flooded into his head, but his gritted his teeth, restraining himself from indulging himself by sharing his knowledge.

The rest of the trip was comfortable silence, well as comfortable one could get with their boss sitting next to them. Reid allowed the music to lull himself into a relaxing trance, one Hotchner was glad to notice. They had not disturbed the blanket of security with which draped over them when Reid started to drift off into a contented sleep and Hotchner had stopped glancing at his companion.

As time marched on and Reid started to discover some things. His eyes half-lidded and senses somehow heightened. A musky subtle scent spread in the car, the hot air swirling in through the vents simply spread the scent. Reid felt safe, his delusions appeased by Hotchner’s presence allowing a few restful moments without any images flickering in his vision, scaring the life out of him.

“We’re here.” Time went too quickly for Reid, he had finally felt himself step into the realms of a tranquil slumber only to be jostled out of it.

“Yeah…” Reid mumbled in reply, hesitant to leave. Recollecting his surroundings, patting his back and running trembling fingers through his hair. Hotchner was pleased to see that Reid was somewhat already comfortable in his presence but he knew it was a long road to success.

Reid opened the door and was bathed in the silvery caress of the full moon. He walked round to Hotchner's open window and fumbled with his words.

“Thanks, Hotch.” Turning to leave he was interrupted by Hotchner calling out to him.

“Reid, remember that I can pick up the phone whenever for you.” Reid turned and gave a curt nod, his lips pressed into an unsure line. Hotchner sighed internally and continued.

“When do you normally leave the house?” Reid furrowed his eyebrows but answered promptly.

“On average I get around to leaving the house at seven-twenty-two.” Hotchner nodded and pointed out.

“I’ll be ready to pick you at seven.” Reid opened his mouth to decline but he shut it immediately when faced with his bosses stern gaze, which said there was no negotiation. Hotchner said a quick goodbye and watched as Reid edged to his home, only leaving when making sure the man had entered his home and locked it behind him.

Reid froze at the doorway. The silence which reigned in his house was cold, it crept into his being and dissipated any warmth he received when in the company of Hotchner. It was a chilling feeling, his nerves hyper-sensitive to even slight shifts in the air. He walked into the unlit living room and didn’t bother with the lights. Dropping his bag carelessly on one of the settees to approach a large cabinet. Behind the clear glass where a range of different sized and coloured books. But his hand reached for a more used and dulled one.

The silvery rays of the moon flitting in through the curtain illuminating the title, ‘The Parlement of Foules’. It was classic his mother used to read to him, a poem seven hundred line long. He clambered up the stairs in the dark, missing his footing a few times, but still did not turn on the light.

Reaching his bedroom, a mess so chaotic that it was like a literal whirlwind misplaced all his belongings. He collapsed onto his bed, his clothes unchanged, and stretched for a bedside lamp, which only lit up dimly, just enough to allow a comfortable read. He found escapism in his book, his mind replicating his mother’s voice as he tried to read it mentally at a natural pace. It was adequate, allowing himself to drift off in exhaustion into a welcomed dreamless sleep.

Hotchner had reached his home, unfortunately, he could only stand at the doorway. The key in his hand, his mind lagging. Opening the door with a light click, there were no lights. Obviously, Haley had gone to sleep ahead, it was past midnight and Jack would have obviously tired her out. He placed his briefcase at onto the sofa and moved to the kitchen. Strangely enough, there was no food out in a covered dish. There weren’t even any stains on the cooker to show it was used. Hotchner simply shrugged it off and assumed that Haley had already refrigerated everything.

As he made his way up the stairs, he frowned at the fact that Jack’s door was open, Haley never forgets to shut the door behind her unless Jack had asked her to keep it open. Jack sometimes tried to stay awake so his dad could tuck him in, but sometimes Hotchner came so late that Jack could not fight off his sleep. Smiling to himself Hotchner shut the door, Jack would not have been about to stay silent with the noises Hotchner was making on the stairs. The boy like to whisper ‘dad?’ when he heard the creak of the stairs. It was endearing, and it made Hotchner happy that his son never distanced himself from his father even when they barely spent as much time together as he wanted to.

Opening the door to his bedroom, he shook his head at the absence of light and edged towards the wardrobe, reaching for his night wear when he saw the absence of Haley’s clothes altogether. Spinning around madly he rushed to the bed and ripped the sheets off the bed. His heart beat rising to a petrifying pace. His blood had run cold as he dashed to his son's room, only to see the room bare of any personal items and his bed neatly made.

Hotchner just remembered his wife had left him. She had taken Jack with her. He was alone.

He suddenly wished the car ride with Reid had taken longer…

**Author's Note:**

> Please do tell me what you like and not like in your comment ;)


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